I’m sitting in a coffee shop, overlooking a coastal ocean harbor, sipping my tea.
My official launch date for this platform, Savarah Studio, is coming up on June 18th (7 more days!) and I am reflecting on how much has changed these past few months, and how grateful I am for the journey of it all.
Eight months ago, I attended a cacao and mindfulness circle hosted by one of my friends. It was a beautiful night and by the end I felt so empowered, alive, and clear - in fact, the level of clarity I felt was unreal. It was like all the racing thoughts just dissolved completely and in the silence of my mind, I heard my inner voice - whispering loud. It said, get a business coach, it’s time to create your platform for real this time.
This moment was so significant because at the time, I had pretty much buried any hopes of my dream career, and I had been avoiding it (this calling in my heart), for two years prior.
This calling first came to me when I was 16, and I created my first youtube channel. I honestly don’t remember what it was called but it most likely involved me talking to the camera about my philosophical thoughts somewhere out in nature. That channel didn’t get too far because a few months after I made it, I took it all down - in embarrassment, shame, and fear.
It’s been 12 years since then, and I’ve now had five different attempts at creating a platform for expressing myself and my ideas freely. Each time the same pattern: I created content for a few months and then destroyed it all before it could really surface, then I waited some time and tried once more. Over and over again. It was like this upper limit I could never quite break through. The reality of being seen triggered so many overwhelming feelings: fear of judgement, rejection, abandonment, failure, success, and so much more. I now know this emotional complex to be "the visibility wound."
In those last two years prior to the mindfulness circle, I had stopped expressing myself entirely. After experiencing my fifth round of creation/destruction, I was exhausted and disheartened. I abandoned myself and all my artistic ideas. I suppressed all my feelings too - the fear was just too unbearable.
This period of self-abandonment was a pretty dark time. I felt like a black hole, barely able to function in my day-to-day life. I was a shell of a person - going to work at a busy food industry job and not getting much sleep. Running on empty, I was in full survival mode. My passion for life was seemingly gone, and there was even a point where I didn’t want to be alive anymore - at all. Depressed and in hiding, I was disappointed in myself for my destructive behaviors - for the part that wouldn’t allow me to be seen.
After two full years of chronic numbness, and feeling like life wasn't worth living, I experienced a shift. l woke up one day and decided I'd had enough, remembered life is a gift, and set out on a self-healing journey. A few months in, I felt inspired to go to this cacao circle (where a group of women gathered together, drank cacao, set some individual intentions, and meditated). When I heard that voice of clarity, it was like something in me shifted - and I knew I was ready to begin again.
Only this time, it dawned on me that I needed support. I needed someone to walk with me through the “birthing process” of my creative business, to hold me accountable as the challenging thoughts and emotions arose.
I spoke my intentions, to find a business coach, out loud. Shortly after, I found out that my friend (the one who was hosting the mindfulness circle), had experience and was willing to help me. It all fell together so naturally, and so I started embarking on the journey to free my self-expression.
My business coach and I have now been working together for six months, and our time together is almost at the end. Reflecting back, I’ve faced so much within myself - many moments of meeting my fears head on and giving myself space to feel it all. So much growth and transformation. I've been healing the wound of self-abandonment, building inner trust, and falling in love with the process of creating freely again. Guess you could say I've broken through.
I now have some solid goals set, I'm getting better at staying focused, and I've established practices to help me when things get challenging down the road. Long story short, through this process, I’ve come back home to myself, and I've returned to my flow. This platform is the result of this. I don't regret any of those past attempts at making my business, because it was through those experiences that I built skillsets that I'm now able to put all together. I don't regret that time of darkness either, because in those rock bottom moments, I rediscovered my light.
The heading on my homepage is “Unearth Your Passion, Awaken Your Wisdom, Remember Who You Are,” because that’s the very journey I've been on, and I want to be a guide for others who are struggling. I’ve reignited my burning desire to help anyone else who may be stuck in the dark, in hiding, afraid to step out into the world and shine.
This platform has my heart and soul, and I know I will be fully able to make a living off of it when I’m ready (I have some long-term goals in place for that). But for now, I am just riding the wave of freedom of expression - allowing that to be my focus. It just feels so good to open the door to limitless joy and creative flow.
My content calls to a certain type of person, and if you are here, I’m betting that you are wanting to take a different road than the mainstream path. Whatever your dream career is, your soul-aligned calling, here’s your encouragement that YOU CAN DO THIS.
I know we hear this all the time, but it really is all within you. Everything you need to make this work - you’ve already got it. That being said, asking for help is always an option too, and there's no shame in that. Just having someone hold me accountable these past few months as I’ve been building up my foundation has been invaluable. And now, I feel stronger than ever - refueled by my inner fire and passion.
If this story speaks to you, trust that inner urging. Sure, you could keep waiting...but why not just start now? Be brave.
Wherever you're at in your journey, I’m rooting for you.
- Sarah
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Note From Me:
*As I reflect back on experiences I’ve had throughout my life, I find that it brings me great joy to put them into words - to voice what I’ve been through, and to also express any insights learned from each one. Sharing stories seems to satisfy this inner yearning to leave my mark - and at the very least, it always leaves me feeling lighter and more true to myself. So that is why I write, and my intention is to uplift, entertain, and maybe even inspire others to share their own experiences with the world. We all have a story.
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