For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be part of a tribe.
From a young age, I imagined a community of people who loved and accepted each other for who they were, who all worked together, cheered each other on, and even when they disagreed, they faced their shit and moved on - because that's what real families do. Fucking lovely idea right?
Yet...for most of my life I've felt alone and misunderstood. I grew up feeling different from everyone around me, and although this made me a very independent person (which I am proud of), it also caused me to isolate and put up walls towards others. I yearned for community so badly, yet I was scared to let anyone in. I was scared of rejection, judgment, abandonment, loss and heartbreak...all of these things kept me in a state of self-exile for years.
I left my home state, Maine, when I was 18 and packed everything I owned into a backpack, venturing across the country by bus (a wild story for another time), and eventually made it across the Pacific Ocean, to Maui. This wasn't the initial plan - I was just on an adventure. But looking back on it, I think part of the reason why I left was because I was searching for my tribe...and I was convinced I would find it in some far away paradise.
Now, in truth, I've met some amazing people out here on the islands (10 years later, I'm still on Maui). I've befriended many beautiful souls who have such wild hearts and free-thinking minds and I love all the moments we've shared. I've also kept in contact with some soul-sisters from Maine who are definitely part of my inner circle. For all of this I am grateful.
Throughout these past few years, I've also had moments where I've gone through really dark times, and resorted back to my old habits of isolation. At this moment in time, I'm just coming out of a massive dark-night-of-the-soul kind of journey, and the people who have stuck with me through all of this...they may be few and far between but they are like gold to me. Valuable and irreplaceable. Again I'm so incredibly thankful for the presence of these sisters in my life, but now I find myself wanting to expand - and grow my community.
This, I've found, requires a massive expansion on my part, and I know I still fear this. I fear showing up as my authentic self in the world and being seen. I still fear being judged and rejected by those who don't understand me, and I also fear losing those who've become close because at some point they realize I'm too much or not enough. At the moment of writing this, I'm at peace with these fears - I've accepted that this is where I'm at.
But what I've also decided is this: I'm no longer going to allow those fears to rule my actions in the world. I'm going to create and express and shine and share my story anyways. Because it feels good, and because I love the idea of connecting with others, and maybe sharing some inspiration.
I love helping others awaken to their true selves again. So even if I'm afraid of vulnerability - I fucking still love being vulnerable. It's the weirdest rush - this high I get from breaking through my fears and allowing myself to be seen so others might have the courage to see themselves too. It makes me feel so alive when I have true soul connections with people, when we all realize that we're on the same wavelength. I love it so much, and to me that's worth pushing through the fear.
So all this to say - moving to a tropical paradise was not the answer to finding my soul tribe. The answer has always been to step up and shine my light with the world, and to act as a beacon - to ignite other beacons all around the world so that we can all find each other.
The more authentically I express myself, and the more people I reach, the more of my soul tribe I'll find. It's not about me anymore, its more about bringing us all together - about bringing us all home. And that's something worth fighting for.
If you're reading this and you resonate...welcome to the tribe! We're better together.
- Sarah
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Note From Me:
*As I reflect back on experiences I’ve had throughout my life, I find that it brings me great joy to put them into words - to voice what I’ve been through, and to also express any insights learned from each one. Sharing stories seems to satisfy this inner yearning to leave my mark - and at the very least, it always leaves me feeling lighter and more true to myself. So that is why I write, and my intention is to uplift, entertain, and maybe even inspire others to share their own experiences with the world. We all have a story.
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