I’m making peace with money.
This is a topic that can be controversial and very deeply rooted, but I think it's important to talk about wealth because (whether we like it or not) it's an important aspect of our lives.
For so long I believed that money only came through very hard work. So running with this mindset, I've spent most my life laboring at various jobs. I exhausted myself to points of complete burnout—all for that balance in my bank account.
I always wished that the number on my check or amount of cash in my wallet would reflect my level of hard work, but I never felt like it did. In fact, it felt like the world heavily undervalued my time, energy, and skills, and this led me to feeling totally worthless. Sound familiar?
I feel like a lot of us are running around in this same cycle—making sacrifices daily for the promise of provision. Of course, its not just about the money—it's about what it grants us. We work to have our basic survival needs met: shelter, food, water, safety, security, transportation…etc. This working class system seems to give us everything we need, but to me, it feels like slavery. And like many other wild-hearts out there, I believe I was born to be free.
I’ve worked so many jobs and side hustles in order to just get by. I was taught hard work was honorable, so at each job, I excelled at being an exceptional worker—always giving 100%. That is, until about a year in when I got depressed and consumed with rage and figured it must just be this job…maybe if I find another type of work it’ll be different.
So on and on it went—job after job after job. Over the years I’ve been a pizza cook, ice cream scooper, smoothie maker, baker, barista, bartender/server, sandwich maker, ceramics shop worker, professional cleaner, boba tea shop employee, juice bar supervisor, henna tattooist, and probably more but honestly I’ve lost track. These were all great experiences that taught me many valuable life skills and I don't regret a single one of them. But the fact remained that I was working for money—not because I loved what I was doing—I felt forced to do it. I always secretly hated that money had this power over me, like I wasn’t able to live my dream life because I spent the majority of my time working as an employee just to live paycheck-to-paycheck. Sleep, eat, repeat.
Like I mentioned earlier, I also had some interesting side hustles. In high school, I used to decorate lighters and sell them to my friends. Also as a teenager, I started selling my paintings, and over the years have sold mostly to friends, family, and coworkers. I even had some of my art collections displayed in a few restaurant/cafes, which led to sales as well. I’ve been a vender—setting up a table at various craft fairs and farmers markets, selling my art and jewelry. I’ve sold hand-picked sea glass and shells to craftspeople, I’ve sold thrifted items, I’ve dreaded hair, and I’ve given henna tattoos. All little side hustles, all for a little extra cash. These all seemed fun and creative at the time, but still, it felt like it was so much work for very little profit, and not super sustainable. So mostly I stuck to working for other people—and settled into being practical and realistic with my life...succumbing to the belief that this is just the way it is.
For most of my life, my relationship with money has been very much one of love-hate. I was always so excited when payday came (usually every two weeks), and each time I got paid, there was a rush of adrenaline and a wonderful feeling of possibility—which soon got crushed with the realization that the majority of the money would be going to bills, and the rest I’d have to budget just to get me through the next couple weeks. I was broke and I was angry at money. I daydreamed of a life where money didn’t exist, and I even gave in to the common mindset that money was the “root of all evil.” It seemed I never had enough of it, and that the lack of it in my life would continue to hold me back from all my dreams.
A few years ago, I started learning about how our inner thinking has an effect on our outer world, and I had this strong feeling: there’s gotta be more to life than what I've been experiencing, there’s gotta be another way. So I’ve been studying and practicing the Law of Assumption, Law of Attraction, and the art of manifestation for a while now—wildly intrigued by the idea that the things we want in life can come easily.
I realized that that’s what I wanted—ease. And flow, fun, and freedom. I wanted loads of good things in my life and I wanted them to come in joyful and fulfilling ways. I wanted the act of making money to feel effortless, I wanted it to feel good, and I wanted my level of income to support not only my basic survival needs—but also all my wildest desires.
I've decided that I want to work with money as a harmonious life partner—and I’ve shaped my thoughts so much that I now believe money is rooted in good, and it’s an expression of love. In reality, money (like everything else) is neutral…and it only has the meaning that we give it. So I now practice seeing money in a positive light, and so far my life has benefitted because of it.
Where I once worked 40-80 hours a week in grueling and stressful environments, now what I do for my source of income is a lot more mellow and easy going. I believe that because I had a shift in mindset around money, it allowed me to manifest my current job—working as a hiking/waterfall tour guide—where I literally take people trekking through the jungle and jumping off cliffs into scenic waterfall pools. This is way different from my other jobs because it's more slow pace, less stress, and I don't have to work as many days because the payout is better than any place I’ve ever worked before. I’m having way more fun, feel way more at peace, and I'm now able to pay my bills easily. I even have more room each week to save and to buy some things that make me happy. For what it is, this job is awesome.
That all being said—and as I’ve said before—I think it's possible to be filled with extraordinary amounts of gratitude for what you have, and to also know that at the same time, your heart yearns for more. And while I’m enormously grateful for this job, it is still a job. And honestly, working for someone else just doesn't feel aligned anymore. This platform is a result of me paving my way towards a life that does feel more aligned—this is me following my flow.
Part of my making-peace-with-money journey involves allowing myself to have my wildest desires—which just happens to be having A LOT of money. I dream about having more than enough to pay off my debts, consistently pay my bills, to be able to buy whatever I want when I want it, have a massive savings that just keeps growing, and to have more than enough coming in so that I no longer have to work for anyone else. Yes I want a tremendous amount of money, but I also want my freedom of time, energy, and identity back too. I don’t want to play a role or wear a uniform anymore. I don’t want to burnout because I'm working endlessly. I don’t want to feel like a slave to a system that promises provision but is barely ever enough. I don’t want to feel small, trapped, or limited anymore.
I choose freedom, expansion, and to say yes to all of my heart’s desires—and to not feel ashamed for wanting these things. I know I was born for a different type of life than the “norm," and I’ve been doing a lot of inner work around my own sense of worthiness. I’m making peace with money, and I’m surrendering to the flow of wealth that is coming my way, in the best and most beautiful ways. Because this is what I choose, this is what I know I will experience.
Like I said, I've been focusing a lot on my relationship with money, and I've found that this is also directly related to how I feel about myself. For a while I didn't feel worthy of good things, and I was comfortable playing small. But now I'm allowing myself to grow, and reminding myself that it's safe for me to have the things I truly want, and that it's okay to let in new levels (and expressions) of love into my life—which can show up in the form of large amounts of money. It also has helped me to reframe my self-concept—where I once believed I was a victim to the system of the world, now I believe that I am free to create the life of my dreams.
It all starts with you, and what you want your life to look like. If you look at your relationship with money and you don’t like what you see, just know that you hold the key to change. You have the power to shift your way of thinking and feeling (in all areas of your life—but especially around money), and you can start seeing your outer world transform to reflect these new shifts.
If you’re someone who’s content working a job and you love what you do, that’s perfect and beautiful. If you have a passion about something and you’ve always wanted to turn it into a business, you can do that too. Or if you don’t even wanna work for money at all—there are people who've transformed their lives and are now experiencing rich and easy lifestyles without having to work. That's perfect too. I want to note here that getting what you want doesn’t make you spoiled, because again it's all neutral. It's more about the type of person you are—if you have good morals and are broke, you’re gonna be an amazing person when you’re rich, because the more you have the more you can give. More money just means more expansion, more freedom, more you—and you get to choose how you want it to come in, and how much of it that you want! Nothing is set and stone, it is all flexible—a blank canvas—waiting for you to shape it into the life of your dreams.
Where are you at with your relationship with money right now? You can tell by looking around at your life—seeing how money shows up for you—and however it shows up for you is a reflection of your money story. If you don’t like what you see, then start changing the script!
~Sarah
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Note From Me:
*As I reflect back on experiences I’ve had throughout my life, I find that it brings me great joy to put them into words - to voice what I’ve been through, and to also express any insights learned from each one. Sharing stories seems to satisfy this inner yearning to leave my mark - and at the very least, it always leaves me feeling lighter and more true to myself. So that is why I write, and my intention is to uplift, entertain, and maybe even inspire others to share their own experiences with the world. We all have a story.
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